Government Sponsored Rain Dance

11/13/2007 R. Merle Lavengood

www.thethirdlittlepig.com

On Tuesday November the 13th the governor of Georgia, Baptist Gov. Sonny Perdue will finally solve the drought in his state without the help of the Federal Government. More than a quarter of the Southeast is covered by an "exceptional" drought, the National Weather Service's worst drought category. He has found a foolproof solution to the dry reservoirs in his state that are threatening the water supply in the Atlanta area.

 
 

He has called a prayer meeting on the steps of the state Capitol in Atlanta today to pray for rain. The answer from the heavens will be greatly appreciated.

Of course this makes them hypocrites according to Matthew 6:5-6.

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as

 

the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.

But one should never let the teachings of the Bible get in the way of a good old fashioned public religious prayer meeting.

The Governor's staff is expecting hundreds of followers to assemble at the capital building where Sonny will recite Magic words from a Magic book and all their problems will magically disappear. (Video of the Prayer session)

As the hundreds of praying Christians set out the rain barrels and get out the raincoats and umbrellas in preparation for their prayers to be answered with water gushing from the sky there will be a small group of freethinking Atheists protesting the blatant breach of the Separation of Church and State and scoffing at the stupidity of anyone believing that prayer has any effect on mother nature.

 

The state of Alabama used the same rain dance technique last spring. The Governor of Alabama declared the first week of July as “Pray for the end of the drought week“. The holy minded throughout the state prayed their little hearts out in mass for their Lord to come to the rescue.

The end result of millions of religious zealots begging for rain?

 

Three months and several worn out Bibles later the same Governor signed a State of Emergency order due to the lack of rain. God didn’t show up with his Santa like basket of gifts and rain even after hundreds of millions of prayers.

Either God hates the people of Alabama and is making them suffer when he could easily wave his magic wand and wiggle his cute little nose making rain magically appear and save his followers or people need to realize that the ritual of organized begging is as effective and no more logical then the age old and still used in parts of the world ritual of Human Sacrifice.

   

A mass Prayerfest is akin to putting on face paint and feathers while dancing around a drum doing a rain dance. Throw in a goat, a ritual killing and a keg of beer and let's party!

Would it have a rat’s ass of effect on the rainfall? Not a bit.

Will having millions of people praying every night for rain have any effect? Not a bit.

But that hasn’t deterred Gov. Perdue from drawing on Alabama’s failures in prayer and he is organizing a government sponsored Rain Dance and Prayerapalooza of his own on the State Capital’s front steps this week. Georgia is a deeply religious state so such a 4th century ceremony seems like a natural response. They could sacrifice a virgin but that would be difficult to find as the God fearing bible thumping state is the 8th worst state in the Nation in teen pregnancy. Virgins are a scarce commodity.

I think the protesting Atheists are wasting their time on the brainwashed and should just have fun with it. I have decided that it would be fun to start a scoreboard and keep a tally on who wins, God or drought. Drought won in Alabama shutting God out and is coming into the game pumped up from God’s losing streak but maybe God will make a comeback. I wonder if Vegas has a line on the Georgia/God game?

I am posting a scoreboard here and will update it weekly for the next six weeks and announce the winner on Christmas. So grab your popcorn and prayer robes and get ready to play!

If God makes it rain and ends the drought saving the city of Atlanta from losing their drinking water by refilling the reservoir then God gets a win in his box that week. If God fails as he did after Alabama's prayer week and Drought wins then Mother Nature gets a win in her box that week. Good luck to the contestants. May the best mythical creation win.

Updates are posted under the scoreboard.

 
   
And we have a loser!! God continues his losing streak once again proving
"Nothing Fails Like Prayer"!!

11/15: ATLANTA - A storm crashed through the Southeast and brought up to an inch of rain in parts of drought-stricken Georgia, but forecasters said the storm likely did little to ease the state's historic drought.

"The ground probably sucked it all up," said Vaughn Smith, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Peachtree City. "The ground is so dry, I seriously doubt if any of the lakes rose any."

The Wednesday storm packed lashing rain and powerful gusts, injuring at least nine in Tennessee.

The roof of a Baptist church in Tennessee's Marion County was heavily damaged, said Jeremy Heidt of the Tennessee Emergency Management Agency. Three children were hurt by flying glass and were taken to hospitals, said Heidt.

City Hall across the street from the Baptist church suffered minor damage.

The rainfall came two days after Baptist Gov. Sonny Perdue led a Baptist prayer service on the steps of the state Capitol to beg the heavens for an end to the drought.

 

The Pig's Note; Just enough wind and water to mock the believers while destroying a church and a City Hall not to mention cutting up a bunch of scared children. This is getting off to a better start than I expected!

 

©R.M.Lavengood